Happy Birthday, Zack!!

Today is Zack's 23rd birthday. I know it is redundant for me to say we miss him, but we do. How do you remember/celebrate a day like this when your child is no longer with you?

We can think back on past birthdays and how much fun we had. Zack's 18th birthday was really a fun time. Zack and his friends had a whole grill to themselves at Kobe, our favorite habachi, Benihana-style restaurant and then went back to the house and had a party. Our sofa has one spot right in the middle that sinks down low when anyone sits on it because all Zack's friends at the party piled on the couch to get a group photo. I love the photo and our couch with the hole.
Zack's last birthday, his 20th, was spent partly at M. D. Anderson getting a platelet transfusion.
The docs and staff got him a cake and had a party for him. They were always so special - I will always appreciate them. I remember we were leaving the hospital and needed to get him in time for what Zack was doing with his friends that night, but I can't remember what those plans were.

How else can we mark the day? We can look at photos and momentos, old gifts and toys - be in touch with those times through physical objects that have survived longer than their owner.

We can cry for our loss, for lost opportunities and be happy for Zack that he is out of pain and is in a perfect place.

We could make a cake or trifle I suppose, with candles, although that seems just a bit creepy to me since it's to celebrate years of life and his earthly life ended two years ago.

Anything we could do now or did do then is just not enough. Our family, at least the way we used to be, loved celebrating birthdays and always tried to make the day special for the family member. We are not the people we were back then. You can't be, even when you want to. How do you know when you're planning your son's 16th birthday that it should be even better than you had planned because he would only have four more? How many things that I corrected Zack on or how many chores that he and I fought over would I know just let slide? How many more games of Worms would I have played with Zack and how many fewer times would I bug him about his grades?

He and I talked about this some and he told me he thought that, to some extent, his having to persevere on grades or chores helped make him stronger for when he would need it. There's probably some truth in that, but still if I could go back, I don't know . . . .

I think the best thing to do for Zack's birthday is to have a toast, tell a story and remember the man. In that spirit, I will begin the whole Month of Music over again with one of Zack's favorite songs - "The Parting Glass" from the Irish movie, "Waking Ned Devine."

The Parting Glass

Traditional

Oh, all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company.
And all the harm that ever I've done, alas it was to none but me.
And all I've done for want of wit to mem'ry now I can't recall;
So fill to me the parting glass, Good night and joy be with you all.

Oh, all the comrades e'er I had, they're sorry for my going away.
And all the sweethearts e'er I had, they'd wished me one more day to stay.
But since it falls unto my lot, that I should rise and you should not,
I gently rise and softly call, Goodnight and joy be with you all.

If I had money enough to spend, and leisure time to sit awhile.
There is a fair maid in this town, that sorely has my heart beguiled.
Her rosy cheeks and ruby lips, I own, she has my heart in thrall;
Then fill to me the parting glass, Good night and joy be with you all.