No Time in Heaven

There is no time in Heaven, but here on Earth, today is the second Anniversary of when we lost Zack. It's hard to explain what this is like if you've never lived through it. We don't want to weep and mourn and talk about him all day; on the other hand, we don't want to pretend like it's just any other day. This day was a sad day, but a sacred one. It was the end of Zack's earthly life but just the beginning of his eternal one. We know we will be with him again. We know, without a doubt, that he is in Heaven, is healthy, vibrant, alive - in a new body.

There is not much we know about Heaven. The Bible covers some of it and there have been people who have died and then been brought back to life who believe they have seen Heaven. When we knew Zack was dying, he and I talked a lot about heaven and what it would be like. I know it seems lacking or silly, but I wanted to help Zack have an idea of where he was going to help him the best I could. It's pretty helpless being the mom of a child who's leaving you to go somewhere that you can't tell them about.

Zack was not afraid to die - he knew he was headed to Heaven and that it was perfect beyond description - but he was afraid of the physical pain he might have to go through on the way there. God, who had given us so many small miracles along the way, was faithful and Zack was spared a lot of the pain that people with brain tumors often have. Because of God's care, Zack's strength and the fact that he has the most awesome friends on the planet, Zack even got to go out to a Christmas party six days before he passed away. Remember putting on his shoes? I can never thank my sister Megan enough for all she did. She came and stayed with us and provided the loving technical care that Zack needed. Thank God we didn't have to rely on Houston Hospice. The things they didn't do that they were supposed to do are a whole other posting. I also thank God all the time for our other family members, friends, church friends, neighbors, Zack's and Ariel's friends - everyone who gave their time and their love to be there for Zack and for us. Such people are evidence of God's love and care because I know I don't deserve the caliber of friends we have, but God granted them to us anyway. That is grace.

Zack was not afraid of dying - he looked forward to meeting Christ. He said the first thing he wanted to do when he got to Heaven was to wash Jesus’ feet. In biblical times, this was a way of thanking someone and also a way of humbling yourself before them. Everyone wore sandals and the streets were dirt and stone, so feet were not so clean. Zack loved Christ so much, though, because he knew that try as he might, he would never be good enough to follow God's laws well enough to earn his way into Heaven. In the days before Christ, God had commanded his followers through Moses to perform sacrifices and to observe days of atonement to bridge this gap between God and Man. When Christ came, it was not to throw over the previous laws but to fulfill them. Christ fulfilled more than 60 major prophecies regarding the Messiah. God sent Jesus to be the last Passover sacrifice needed. The cross was such a hard thing for me to understand when I became a Christian. How could he being tortured to death have anything to do with me? You have to understand the culture that Jesus was born into. It was one of obeying Jewish law and of making sacrifices to appease God. Jesus came and said, "Look, God, my Dad, said let's have a new arrangement. I'll be the last sacrifice needed - you won't need to do this anymore. When I die, I'll take all the sin of the world on myself, for all of you. All you need to do is to trust that I’m telling you the truth, believe what I say, tell God you believe it and try to follow God's teachings." I am privileged to have Jewish friends who I dearly love and respect. When Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ" came out many people were afraid of Jewish persecution because of the story. I know Christ lived in a Roman run, Jewish culture, but when I saw the film I never for a moment thought that it was the Jews fault. I, for the first time, really understood how Zack had understood Christ's sacrifice. I was very clear that it was my sin that put Christ on the cross - he died for me, for all the stupid things I have done and will do in the future. I finally understood the strength that Zack had drawn from Christ - here was a man who understood pain, rejection, and weakness. Zack knew no matter what he was going through, Christ had gone through it and would understand. Until God became man and had the experience of living in a human body, He could never really get down and understand us. Christ took care of that. That is why Zack could go to him with his fears, pain, worries and he knew that Christ knew and would care for him. This lifting of pain, lifting of burdens - it's an amazing thing. Prayer really works. Zack understood this and wanted to thank Christ in the dearest way he knew how. I thank Christ today that I can say with confidence that I know where my son is and that I will see him again. Actually, as Zack's friend Jane pointed out, since there's no time in Heaven, time being an Earthly construct, we're actually already there with him. Hard to wrap my head around that one.

In the meantime, think about Zack today. Think about all the stuff you loved about him and all the stuff you miss about him, then go out and be good to other people, make this world a better place. Ask God to say 'hi' to Zack for you and say 'hi' to Christ yourself and smile – you’re living in grace.

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