MOM 5 "Where You Lead Me" by Mercy Me

The day I was supposed to write this blog was a Sat., the 14th. I'm actually writing it later, but posting then so the days will stay in order - got that? Anyway, last Saturday, we were trying to decide what to do for dinner. It was about 6:30 p.m. and I said, "Hey, let's go to the store and get something to grill, make a salad . . . ." Ken reminded me that here in Brisbane, the grocery stores close at 5 p.m. on Sat. That was good for about five minutes of griping about what I miss about The Woodlands, where we moved here from. I'm used to convenience, selection and good prices, none of which are to be found here.

There are several things I miss from home. I miss our friends, family, church and neighborhood. I miss Tex-Mex and cheese that tastes the way it's supposed to. Prescription refill requests you can call into the pharmacy (chemist's) phone line and then go pick it up the next day. I miss living in a place where air conditioning in your home is not a luxury. I miss 24 hr. stores and Starbucks and drive-thru convenience. The spiders here are really huge and terrifying and they have a toad, the cane toad, that if you touch it . . . you die! Frogs are supposed to be friendly, like Kermit.

Anyway, you get the picture - unhappiness with our current situation abounds. At least for Arie and I. Ken has some issues, but not as many.

Three things today reminded me that actually, when the chance for this job came up, Ken and I had prayed that God would send us where he wanted us to be and to use us for His purposes. I don't remember, now that I think about it, saying, "God send us where you want us, but make it just like home and make it easy for us." First, I got an email from my sister Megan, reminding me of what a privilege it is to have this opportunity to see more of the world and suggesting I embrace it and have fun. It was encouraging and she reminded me that my perspective is all that needs to change, not my circumstances. Then, I remembered the message in a sermon at our new church the week before Christmas. It had touched me then and reminded me why we were here, but then with all the stuff around Christmas away from home, the 2nd anniversary of Zack's death, my birthday and Zack's birthday, I sort of forgot and the message got lost in my sorrow. But I got it back and here it is: You are where you are because God has brought you there. It's your choice what you do with that. You can seek God's will for your life, try to figure out your purpose and then do your best to fulfill it or you can be so unhappy about where God has brought you that ignore why you might be there. I knew that, and have for a long time, but sometimes you need to be reminded of what you already know. The third thing that brought me back to remembering was listening to the Mercy Me "Undone" CD and to the song, "Where You Lead Me." It has been one of my favorite songs since I first heard it. Hearing it tonight (Tues., the 17th) was a nudge from God that reinforced the other two messages I had gotten and so it became the song for this day.


Where You Lead Me
by Mercy Me
from Undone

What is life? A thousand roads, a thousand ways
Why am I so afraid to move
I crossed the line
I'm stepping out so come what may
I give it all cause I'm drawn to You
As long as my heart is beating...

Where You lead me
I will follow
Where You lead me
I give my life away
Where You lead me
I will follow Forever and a day
Forever and a day

I can't deny
Your very presence is my life
And why would I ever turn away
Cause deep inside I know that I cannot rely
On anything less than faith
As long as my heart is beating...

Where You lead me I will follow
Where You lead me I give my life away
Where You lead me I will follow
Forever and a day

This is all I'm dreaming of
To live completely in Your love
So this is life . . .
Where You lead me I give my life away
Where You lead me I will follow
Forever and a day

Where You lead me I will follow
Where You lead me
I give my life away
Where You lead me I will follow
Forever and a day
Forever and a day


I had forgotten that I had given my life away already. Oh, sure, we had so many blessings all through Zack's illness and I can have faith that I know where Zack is and that I'll be with him someday because of Christ's sacrifice, and actually I had asked God to be where I am but still I didn't know I'd have to deal with these shopping hours . . . sounds pretty petty to me, and pretty human, too.

I'm thankful beyond words that when I forget who I am and why I'm here, that there are others there to remind me. Thank you.

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MOM4 "Stupid" by the W's

Ariel reminded me yesterday that one of Zack's favorite songs was "Stupid" by The W's. They are a ska/swing type band - very snappy and funny lyrics. I have tried in vain to find the words to Stupid but can't. If anyone reading this knows the song, please fill in the missing parts. Today, if you click on the blog title, it won't take you to The W's but below I have a link to a site where you can get healthier and help Karen Long - read more details below. Anyway, on with the song, this is it.

It starts off:

There was a ----- lady,
She had a poodle doggie,
Once while giving little Fifi a bath
she thought of an innovation.
After some tender lovin'
she popped him into her microwave oven
the poor little dog never heard the bell ring
he went out with a bang, if you know what I mean.

Stupid, that was stupid,
no you can't say that that was smart,
Stupid, that is stupid,
sometimes our brains must be falling apart.

That's all I can remember well.
The next verse is about some crooks who rob a soda machine, get arrested and pay their bail in quarters and dimes

The last verse is about rejecting God and how that's not too bright either.

Anyway, send the lyrics on if you have them.

Prayer request:
Most of you know Karen and Clyde and how great they are. If you don't, read some of the earlier posts. Anyway, they are the best but have had so many bad things happen since Dec. 1st. Karen was in a wreck, not hurt thankfully, but the other motorist was uninsured. They've had major car problems, illness in the family, and Karen had a cancer scare. Please pray for God to heal them and provide a way that they can cover all the unexpected expenses.

Karen left a job that was causing stress and physical illness. I'm so glad she resigned. I had been trying to convince her that her health was more important than cash flow, but she stayed with it much longer than she should have because she didn't want to quit without another source of income.

She is now in the nutritional field and sent me the following information. If you would like to help Karen and Clyde in a practical way as well as spiritually, and help Karen get her new career off to a good start, please consider getting some suppliments from her. Ken and I are both going to order some.

Here's what she sent:

Also if you know anyone who is a vitamin believer please have them go to my web site and order...I get a $1000 bonus if I sell to 20 different customers within 30 days (my note - that's by the 28th of January, I think). They must have the exact web site for me to get credit.

www.dontforgettotakeyourvitamins.com/long19851

No time like the New Year to begin taking better care of yourself. Not to do so would be stupid.

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MOM 3 "The Saga Begins" - Weird Al

Hey, so time to perk things up a bit. I know Zack would have had respect for remembering someone who was gone, but I'm sure he'd also want to go do something more lighthearted afterward.

So, without further ado, here is one of Zack's favorite singers, Weird Al. Zack and Weird Al shared three characteristics: humor, using words to entertain and, most importantly, a gift for being a first class smart ass. Once again, you can click on today's title and get to a website. When I learn how to put the actual song on there, I'll do that, too. (Also, thanks for the note Rachel - no I haven't looked at my email - but will soon and appreciate you being in touch. Tell your mom 'hi' too.)

This song also incorporates another of Z's favorite things - Star Wars.

The Saga Begins Lyrics
To the tune of "Bye, Bye American Pie" by Don MacLean

A long, long time ago
In a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack
And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn
Could talk the federation into
Maybe cutting them a little slack
But their response, it didn't thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from that gas
Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass
We took a bongo from the scene
And we went to Theed to see the Queen
We all wound up on Tatooine
That's where we found this boy...

Oh my my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Did you know this junkyard slave
Isn't even old enough to shave
And he can use the Force, they say
Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen
Though he's just nine and she's fourteen
Yah, he's probably gonna marry her someday
Well, I knew he built C-3PO
And I've heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it's true
So we made a wager or two
He was a prepubescent flyin' ace
And the minute Jabba started off that race
Well, I knew who would win first place
Oh yes, it was our boy
We started singin' ...

My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Now we finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi Council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be
So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midi-chlorians were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophecy
Oh, the Council was impressed, of course
Could he bring balance to the Force?
They interview the kid
Oh, training they forbid
Because Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Qui-Gon said "Now listen here"
"Just stick it in your pointy ear"
"I still will teach this boy"

He was singin' ...
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

We caught a ride back to Naboo
'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to
I frankly would've liked to stay
We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn't long at all before
Little Hotshot flew his plane and saved the day
And in the end some Gunguns died
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried
A lot of folks were croakin'
The battle droids were broken
And the Jedi I admire most
Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast
Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost
I guess I'll train this boy

And I was singin' ...
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

We were singin' ...
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

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MOM Day 2 "Held" by Natalie Grant

Today's song, "Held" by Natalie Grant is one that really resonates with me these days. Click on the Title of today's blog to hear some of the song and to go to her website. Here is Natalie's explanation of the song and the lyrics:

Held Lyrics

(Christa Wells)

Christa Wells, a part-time songwriter and stay-at-home mom of three in North Carolina wrote this song in response to two very difficult losses that happened within 48 hours. And for her, I think it must have been one of those total shake-your-fist-at-God moments where you cry, “Why God?” These are the things in life that we cannot understand or explain, and the lyrics reflect that honesty. God didn't promise us we'd be okay or that life would be easy. My faith does not protect me from pain, but it provides me with peace. God only promises us that when we suffer, when we're in pain, we'll be held in His arms through every circumstance.


Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our Savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

Repeat Chorus


Why this song?

One thing hard to understand is that if God loves us and if by becoming followers of Christ we come into his family, how come tragedy and grief come into our lives the same as those who hate God and mock Christ? I think it's very common to believe something like, "Now that my soul is saved and I'm trying my best to live by Christ's example, life will be so much smoother." I mean, I'm in with the big guy now, he loves me, I must have some special protection from life's woes now. Uh, no.

There is evil in the world and we get just as much of it tossed at us as anyone else does. There are a few key differences, though, in my experience. One is that living by God's laws, you get in less bad situations of your own making. After I became a believer in my early 30's, and I really for the first time studied the Bible, I saw that the guidance from the Bible really contains a lot of common sense and great ideas. This should not be a surprise, as God loves us and wants us to have happy lives. Also, He created humans, so following His "Owner's Manual" for human life is a good idea. Another difference is that when stuff does happen, we have a loving Father God to turn to for wisdom, through His written word, and to rest in, through prayer and the knowledge that no matter what, God is in control.

I love this song because it deals with this and also with the anger that accompanies this feeling of being betrayed by God. It is so human though to feel let down and angry at God when crap happens and we just don't understand why. I think we all at some point have just been boiling mad at God about why He didn't give Zack a miracle or even why Zack had to get cancer at all. I mean, how stupid. He was an average teen, so that means he was a pain in the ass as well as a complete laugh to be around. Depended which day you caught him. He was no saint, but he wasn't a murderer, terrorist, or any other kind of villian and he did have faith in Christ and tried to live a good life. Why him? Sitting here now and thinking about the injustice of it all, it still makes me mad. But this is key: I am mad, but I haven't given up on God. So many others were angry at God and so stopped talking to him (praying) and stopped listening to Him (reading his word, listening to that still, small voice). If this is you, hang in there, keep your heart open to God and if you have turned your back, just turn around - He's always there with his arms outstretched, wanting relationship with you. It's never too late to turn around.

The line about waiting one hour for our Savior comes from the passage in Matthew (Chap.26: 36-40) where Jesus goes off to pray the night before his crucifixion and asks Peter and 2 sons from Zebedee to wait and pray for him. When he comes back, they're asleep. He asks, "Could you men not watch with me for one hour?" To me the song uses that verse to ask us can we not just trust that God has a plan, even though it makes no sense to us. Can we continue to trust God and be patient for an explanation, one that may not ever come until we are standing before Him in heaven?

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Happy Birthday, Zack!!

Today is Zack's 23rd birthday. I know it is redundant for me to say we miss him, but we do. How do you remember/celebrate a day like this when your child is no longer with you?

We can think back on past birthdays and how much fun we had. Zack's 18th birthday was really a fun time. Zack and his friends had a whole grill to themselves at Kobe, our favorite habachi, Benihana-style restaurant and then went back to the house and had a party. Our sofa has one spot right in the middle that sinks down low when anyone sits on it because all Zack's friends at the party piled on the couch to get a group photo. I love the photo and our couch with the hole.
Zack's last birthday, his 20th, was spent partly at M. D. Anderson getting a platelet transfusion.
The docs and staff got him a cake and had a party for him. They were always so special - I will always appreciate them. I remember we were leaving the hospital and needed to get him in time for what Zack was doing with his friends that night, but I can't remember what those plans were.

How else can we mark the day? We can look at photos and momentos, old gifts and toys - be in touch with those times through physical objects that have survived longer than their owner.

We can cry for our loss, for lost opportunities and be happy for Zack that he is out of pain and is in a perfect place.

We could make a cake or trifle I suppose, with candles, although that seems just a bit creepy to me since it's to celebrate years of life and his earthly life ended two years ago.

Anything we could do now or did do then is just not enough. Our family, at least the way we used to be, loved celebrating birthdays and always tried to make the day special for the family member. We are not the people we were back then. You can't be, even when you want to. How do you know when you're planning your son's 16th birthday that it should be even better than you had planned because he would only have four more? How many things that I corrected Zack on or how many chores that he and I fought over would I know just let slide? How many more games of Worms would I have played with Zack and how many fewer times would I bug him about his grades?

He and I talked about this some and he told me he thought that, to some extent, his having to persevere on grades or chores helped make him stronger for when he would need it. There's probably some truth in that, but still if I could go back, I don't know . . . .

I think the best thing to do for Zack's birthday is to have a toast, tell a story and remember the man. In that spirit, I will begin the whole Month of Music over again with one of Zack's favorite songs - "The Parting Glass" from the Irish movie, "Waking Ned Devine."

The Parting Glass

Traditional

Oh, all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company.
And all the harm that ever I've done, alas it was to none but me.
And all I've done for want of wit to mem'ry now I can't recall;
So fill to me the parting glass, Good night and joy be with you all.

Oh, all the comrades e'er I had, they're sorry for my going away.
And all the sweethearts e'er I had, they'd wished me one more day to stay.
But since it falls unto my lot, that I should rise and you should not,
I gently rise and softly call, Goodnight and joy be with you all.

If I had money enough to spend, and leisure time to sit awhile.
There is a fair maid in this town, that sorely has my heart beguiled.
Her rosy cheeks and ruby lips, I own, she has my heart in thrall;
Then fill to me the parting glass, Good night and joy be with you all.

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